My entire childhood and youth were affected by parental drug and alcohol abuse, physical and mental cruelty, sadness and loss. I lost my parents at a very young age and remained alone with a mass of responsibilities, and a broken personality.
The years after I lived under a glass-cover. I was like unconscious, just tried to function. I was not able to feel anything - no happyness, no anger, no sorrow. I only pretended to have feelings. During this time I did not even recognize it.
And then these three guys entered my life and changed everything... I have been listening to 30 Seconds to Mars for years, but it was only one of the bands I liked and had no special meaning to me. Today I think that I was not ready to understand the message earlier. Then I was at a concert and my whole world turned upside down. Suddenly I started to understand and every song became a perfect meaning for me and my personal situation.
The weeks after I listened to every song again and again and again and the messages became clearer and clearer. I suddenly realized that I was wasting my life by trying to fulfill other peoples expectations in me. I never thought about what I wanted from life. I made decisions for other people not for myself. And I haven't even realized it for years.
The songs of 30 Seconds to Mars allow and encourage me to be the person I really am. They tell me that it's right and good to struggle with my inner demons every day. I now have the feeling that I became a stronger and more valuable person by all the pain I went through. I am different and it's nothing false in being different. It's better to be authentic than adapted 'cause this is who I really am.
I want to thank Jared, Shannon and Tomo, for being the f.cking most brilliant artists in the world. Their music touches me in a way I never expected. These three men changed everything and I did'nt even ask them to do so. I can't say that my existence has become easier through their apperance. I have to struggle even harder, but I do struggle instead of watching my own life passing by. Their music hurts...it hurts in my bruised soul every day. It hurts so much ,that there are often tears running down my face while listening, but it makes me think and forces me to go on. It is my inspiration to get my ass up and at least try to become a kind of happy.
I will be thankful until the end of my days, because these guys definitely saved me. At the moment I'm not sure what to do with my recovered life, but the lyrics will show me in a while, I guess...
One more important thing I want to thank Jared, Shannon and Tomo for are the Echelon. When I first heard of them I found it kind of strange. But then I entered the world of Twitter and within two or three days I understood. I was searching for current information about 30 Seconds to Mars and found... amazing friends, a big family.
While everyone in my so called "real life" finds my addiction to 30STM and my changing personality weird, the Echelon understand and support me. Some of them are also fighting against tortures and harms of life (as well as I read here) and made similar experiences with the music of Mars. I found my personal soulmate amongst the Echelon, my sister, my counterpart. (You know that you are meant sis, my refletion :-) ) I am so thankful to be a part of this big crazy crowd. 30 Seconds to Mars have opened a new world to me - the Echelon make this world alive.
Thank you dear brothers and sisters for understanding, for supporting, thank you for simply existing. I won't miss any day I spent time chattering, laughing or even crying with you!!! Some time ago I wouldn't have believed that I'd ever share my personal story, my most intimate secrets with anybody. 30 Seconds to Mars and the Echelon made me a person that releases these thaughts in the internet. I am so proud of this person I developed with your help. Thank you!!!
I will do my best to defend my dreams in every single day of my life. Some days may be harder than others, but I'm alive again and I promise to live!!!
All my love - up to the stars and back down to earth. Prohevito in altum!!
Aoide
"A revolution has begun today for me inside..."
ReplyDeleteWell, where do i start... I really don´t have a tragic story about my life just the story about an internal revolution...
My name is Natalie and i´m from Medellin-Colombia (by the way, sorry if i make mistakes writing this, i´m not an english expert). Since i can remember i´ve always love music especially Rock because for me is the music i can really identify with.
I studied in a Catholic School, When i was at 10 grade i started to have many questions about what the meaning of my life was, and when i finished my studies I decided to join the religious community to become a Noon, a Daughter of Mary Help of Christians, i took that path from 2005 until last year when I decided to retire,though it was a nice experience I found myself in an internal struggle about what I really wanted to do with my life. I returned to my home and the world that I had left for 5 years. I had to start taking a lot of new decisions, and that was not easy.I had to get used to the changes that had given everything around me...believe me: is hard.
During this adjustment process I discovered that sometimes the words that others tell you to cheer and support you can become monotonous and that on the contrary, music can deeply identify everything you´re feeling and can´t express with words, is like looking at your soul embodied in a song that will forever mark. that's what I felt the day i heard 30 seconds to mars. Many "regular" people think you´re crazy when you get to love that much a Band cause they don´t understand that experience.
Songs like R-evolve, The Kill are the mirror of the internal struggle we all face to find ourselves. The struggle between what we have to be, what others want us to be and what we really want to be.
30 seconds to mars has become for me not only in a band but a way of thinking, a way of looking at life from a very true perspective, in a catharsis of my thoughts, feelings and projections.
For 30 seconds to mars: Thanks guys for share your art with all the world, you don´t know how much i love you, love your music. I really wish that your music keeps transcending borders and continue inspiring many like me that feel completely identified with you.
Please come someday to Colombia, i will love to travel to meet you but that is complicated, anyway... A Big HUGG from COLOMBIA.
For the echelon: i will like to meet others like me to share this kind of experiences that only an echelon can understand: voxpopulistm@gmail.com. Believe always in yourselves, you can find the aswers listening to your heart, each one of us are soldiers, and as Jared said: sometimes to live in pace you have to go to war.
To the right To the left we will fight to the death To the Edge of the Earth, It's a Brave New World from the last to the first
We can believe in a new world, and we can build it with our own hands, is a call to arms soldiers all over the world!!!
Love you all