A Million Little Pieces To Start

I am a million little pieces.
I am a complicated person with many complexities behind my brown eyes.
I am still the most uncomplicated person I know.
I am a rape survivor.
I have never spoken it out loud.
I wrote it for the first time, just now.
I am considering re-writing this already.
I ate through the pain.
I prayed every night that no one would want me again if I was big.
I broke apart.
I've fought my whole life.
I wage a daily battle with my mind.
I used to wallow in the beautiful heartache of Adam Duritz songs.
I moved cities, countries, always traveling, always starting over.
I kept every one at a distance.
I came home in 2008 because my mum was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease.
I come from a one parent home. My mum is my world.
I fell apart.
I got back up again.
I liked Mars from "The Kill" days.
I rediscovered the beauty & healing power of Mars in 2008.
I decided I'm worth loving and that love had to come from within.
I know I'm more than the struggles of my past.
I ran through a mall on my lunch break with my BEB (Best Echelon Buddy) on Dec 7th to buy This Is War.
I realised that was the day life had became fun again.
I am 28, & my life has only just become exciting to live again.
I owe that to Mars, to the Echelon which is my family.
I sat on a beach at sunset, with two seals cuddling nearby & listened to Alibi for the first time.
I never felt more love within me than at that moment.
I refuse to lay down & let my past beat me.
I fought past the fear of not being good enough to live my dreams.
I now have my dream career as a photographer.
I never feel more like myself than when I listen to Mars, or with a camera in my hand at a concert.
I am daily in the gym with Mars on my ipod, not with the aim to be thin or perfect, but to be healthy.
I can't imagine life with out Mars and the Echelon.
I am striving to get my creativity flowing again.
I love a lot of different music but lately I find,
I listen to Mars almost constantly.
I love how it makes me want to be better, as a person, an artist, a friend, a sister, a daughter.
I fight for more in my life, for the right kinds of things.
I am still searching.
I am still discovering more of myself.
I don't think I'll ever be complete, but it no longer scares me. The war excites me.
I'm pushing back.
I'm moving forward.
I listen to the music of Mars.
I feel their words, because they are my words, they are the story of My life too.
I am so thankful to Shannon, Tomo & Jared for being true to who they are & sharing it with me.
I am so proud to be part of something bigger than myself.
I am Echelon.
I am on a crazy adventure of discovery and wonder and hope and faith and love
And the sum of my million little pieces.

<3 JAM (aka Sarah) Dunedin, New Zealand.