It's Just A New Beginning

I'm delving deep into my soul as I write this, because I've never expressed myself this thoroughly about my life relating to 30 Seconds To Mars. 30 Seconds To Mars has done something incredibly special for me, something that I never would have expected. No other band or artist has ever touched me and altered my life the way 30 Seconds To Mars has. Jared Leto, Tomo Milicevic, and Shannon Leto have indirectly saved my psychological state of mind, therefore saving my entire life.

THE VERY BEGINNING

It was 2006, I was 11 years old. When I first heard "From Yesterday", I was unknowing to the fact that this unknown band would ultimately save my life. I remember thinking how great of a song it was, and how I wanted to get the whole album. It might sound weird, but listening to 30 Seconds To Mars back then made me feel as if I had some extra strong power, as if the lyrics and the band were somehow connected to me and were a part of me. I'd never experienced any feeling remotely close to that, and since I was young and immature, I brushed it off as nothing.

Thinking back, a memory is popping up in my head of joking around with my best friend about the lyric "on his face is a map of the world". I now understand so much more meaning behind the song, and it will always have a deep place in my heart. I just can't help but wonder if that strong, questionable feeling I had was insight and a clue that this band would have such an impact on my life in later years.

THE BORING MIDDLE

I really did love 30 Seconds To Mars back then. But, those years of transitioning into a teenager made me try to find myself. I went back and forth with music preference and taste in genres. Regretfully, I left most of my love for this band behind. I still occasionally listened to them, but it was nothing like "the very beginning".

NO THIS IS NOT *THE END*, IT'S JUST A NEW BEGINNING

I am so thankful for the day of December 5, 2009.

I woke up at my best friend's house, with the TV still on from the night before. As we were talking, on came an advertisement/preview sort of thing for Kings And Queens. I remember the exact conversation.

her: "Oh wow, I haven't seen or heard 30 Seconds To Mars for a while"

me: "Yeah, I guess they have a new album! Wait.... did they change their name to "Thirty" Seconds To Mars, instead of "30" Seconds To Mars?"

(That makes me laugh now. I said that because on the screen it was written like that and I hadn't seen it spelled with all words before.)

That day as soon as I went home, I searched up the band that I used to love and have a strong connection with. I was curious to see what I had missed throughout the years. And boy, was I missing out.

DECEMBER '09 was full of re-entering myself into the world of 30 Seconds To Mars, getting to know so much about the band members, starting my obsession with Jared Leto, freaking out to my friends about my rekindled love, etc.

Now, here comes JANUARY '10, when this band helped me through the toughest time of my life.

My brother was admitted to a metal hospital because of severe depression and suicidal thoughts. He wanted to kill himself. It was a huge blow to my family. We loved each other so much... and never thought something like this could happen. He was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Just thinking back to going to a mental ward, and visiting my own brother, my older brother that I always counted on, and loved more than any one could ever imagine. It makes me cry. Just remembering him there, lifeless in a room with many other people. It breaks my heart.

I missed a lot of school, I shut myself away from my friends. The only thing I could turn to were my parents and music. But, my parents were suffering enough because they are incredible parents, and seeing their son go through this crushed their souls. So, I turned to music to save me. I was right to do so. Constant hours of doing nothing but listening to 30 Seconds To Mars, calmed my anxiety and fears. I had a deep connection to "Alibi", as many people probably do. the lyric, "I fell apart, but got back up again" was my psychological anthem. I did fall apart, and had to get back up again and fight for myself, my parents, and most of all my brother's well being.

From January to now, it's been a constant cycle of falling apart, and getting back up, and falling apart, and getting back up... so on and so on. It's a major struggle with anti-depression medications. A lot of things didn't work, and there were a lot of struggles with finding the right therapist for him. Even now, nothing has gotten better. Some days it seems like everything is going to be okay, then others it seems like the end of the world. I even had a huge psychological struggle trying not to go down the same path as my brother. I was spiraling down, and 30 Seconds To Mars pulled me back up.

Since I didn't want this to be a sob story, I want to get back to the way 30 Seconds To Mars has helped me, and now the Echelon has a huge impact in that. Every single song of theirs has touched me in one way or another.

Jared puts his heart and soul into the lyrics, and you can feel his passion in your bones.

Shannon, is an animal. Rightfully so, named SHANNIMAL. The way he plays the drums is so powerful and inspiring. Tomo is an all around great guy and talented guitar player.

I can honestly say I LOVE them.

When I met all three of them on April 18, 2010, it was the best day of my life. I went to the Toronto show with my mind set on going up on stage for Kings And Queens, meeting the band, touching Jared, getting a picture with Jared, etc. Absolutely EVERYTHING I had wanted, happened. I was second row, I got up on stage, I got a picture with me on stage with Jared behind me, I was the last to meet the band members after the show, I got a long hug from Jared. But, the best part of it all was that I got to have conversations with Shannon, Tomo, and Jared. I got to do what I had always wanted to do, thank them for everything (and also laugh with Tomo about how he's a crazy mother fucker, haha).

I owe my life to 30 Seconds To Mars and the Echelon. I will be forever grateful. I will always be a dedicated member of the Echelon. I don't know where I would be today, if 30 Seconds To Mars hadn't helped and saved me though my toughest times.

I, Madison Maria Vartanian, have "Finally found myself fighting for a chance, I know now, THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM" and this is who I will always be.

Madison Vartanian (@madisonECHELON)

-Innisfil, Ontario, Canada